I don’t know about you, but when I became a mum, I started to freak out about money. I literally ping-ponged from ‘Happy to do a comedy gig for €50 and a packet of fizzy cola bottles’, to ‘I must come up with the BEST INVENTION EVER so that my kids think I’m amazingly cool AND I have enough money to buy their future shit boyfriends or girlfriends out of our lives forever.
So, in no particular order, in the last three years, I have sought employment in the following areas:
- Beauty Therapist. Yes, I went to ACTUAL CLASSES to learn how to spray a perfectly decent body to a Kim Kardashian orange and the likes. Thankfully, I was pretty shit at all of that.
- Web Genius. I’ve had a comedy website, a personal website, and now a parenting website. I nearly did a course in web design. I 100% thought that I would get instant advertising and make a mint in the first 12 months. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?
- A Stand Up Comedian. The biggest mistake I made after I had Jacob was trying to do stand up as ‘Sharyn Hayden’ instead of the wonderful Shazwanda, which had always worked far better. The thinking behind it was that if I could break my vagina by having a kid, then I could do fucking anything…. …. ….. ….. I WAS WRONG.
- A Theatre Actress. Acting on stage is a joy, an absolute joy, but when you have a toddler who counts on your to put them to bed and you have to leave for work at 5pm for Show Week, you will pay for that one week of joy for the following FOUR weeks, as your kid punishes you for abandoning them by refusing to go to creche, staying up all night, and catching the stomach flu. Also, theatre pays fuck all. Go get a day’s extra work on Vikings and you’d be better off.
- International Best Selling Author. ‘Sure, it couldn’t be hard, could it?’ Those were actual words that came from my mouth as I sat down to pen my first novel. Being a writer is a bit of a curse when you have kids, because you rarely get a chance to write, and then you feel terribly frustrated that you can’t get your ideas out and onto the page and then you take it out on your fella coz he has a real job… maybe I’ve said too much ;o)
So now! My latest carry on is voiceover work! The gorgeous Deborah at Windmill Lane recording studios arranged for me to record my voiceover demo and I had a BALL doing it. You’d buy a buggy off me in Mothercare…wouldn’t you?!!
Click below to hear it, and check out my whore voice in the first ad! x