It’s April 2017 and that means that a few terrifying things are about to happen.

1. The Easter Bunny Is Coming

What’s the deal with the Easter Bunny? Jacob is starting to ask questions about how he knows where we live and why he just keeps chucking mini chocolate eggs into the garden in a panic every year.

“What are you insinuating?!” I bellow at him while reminding myself that it’s probably better than his wondering why the Easter Bunny has to come into his bedroom to leave eggs at the end of his bed like I used to do.

Anyway, I might get Jacob to write him a letter – does anyone have his address?

2. The Easter Holidays Are Coming

Two weeks – two fucking weeks! I have two businesses to run plus a mountain of bills to pay and you want to give my kids two weeks off from school? Fuck a duck. Or an Easter Bunny. Whichever takes your fancy.

Anyway, we’ll be going on every Easter-egg-led adventure imaginable – anything not to be trapped inside the house together for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! Argh!

3. I’m Turning 40

Yes, yes, it’s hard to imagine that someone who still uses their mum’s credit card because they can’t be trusted with their own can be turning 40 this year but it’s true. I’m feeling sort of.. adventurous about it. Like, I mentioned to Ass Monkey that I think this is the year I really get out there and party, go to all the events, or perhaps throw myself out of an aeroplane for charity.

“It’s time to feel alive”, says I.

Then I went for a wax and the beautician informs me that not only do I have a rather UNMISSABLE grey hair in my pubes but that my armpit hair is starting to turn white, too. White. Like Gandalf.

So that stopped my adventurous self in my tracks for a couple of weeks while I licked my (pigment-free) wounds.

4. We make The Big Move at Dynamic Ltd

When you have as much spare parts, equipment and general collections of scrap and junk (that I swear we’ll need some day!) as we do at http://www.DynamicCaterCare.ie, then moving premises takes some time.

But now we have a deadline and that deadline is April the 8th. So this week is it – we say goodbye to North Strand and hello to Ballymun and we get settled in.

It’s going to be SUCH a hectic week but it’ll be so worth it in the end when we have our permanent business home.

5. I Abseil Off The Roof Of Croker 

Grey pubes behind me, I’ve gathered myself up and WILL take on a charity challenge this month. I’ve decided to abseil from the roof of Croke Park and raise funds for the ISPCC. It’ll be two days after my birthday drinks so I’m bound to have the fear on top of THE FEAR.

I’m trying to raise €500 and I hope you can support me and the ISPCC by throwing a fiver or two my way which you can do here – it’s the only way to survive turning 40 x