Tag Archives: Overdue

Preggo Watch: A Holy Show

Preggo Promo Shot For The 'Up The Duff' Show 2011

Preggo Promo Shot For The ‘Up The Duff’ Show 2011

I didn’t have a ‘show’ with Jacob. Well, I did, but that was in The Sugar Club when I was 5 or 6 months’ pregnant and ‘Shazwanda’ was singing songs about only getting knocked up for the sake of the free buggy, free nappies and instant listing for social housing that she could get her hands on. Especially ‘coz she was a single mudder an’ all…

I have also made a holy show of myself before & since, but of that, I’m sure, you’re already well aware.

I am told that one must have a ‘show’ in order for labour to begin and take place – that if that mucus plug doesn’t dislodge itself and slither away, then how will the baby find it’s way to the light at the end of one’s, erm, tunnel?

As I did not bear witness to the departure of my mucus plug when I went into labour with Jacob, and as there is still, as yet, no sign of one on this pregnancy either, I have a few queries that I feel I need clarification on:

1:   There is a lot of stuff going on ‘down there’ at the moment – A LOT. And mostly, due to the enormous size of my 41 weeks pregnant tummy, I can’t see what the fuck that is exactly. When I now go to the toilet, my main priorities are A) to try not to break the toilet seat with my fat arse, and B) to wait patiently until I assume I am done ejecting whatever my body is getting rid of at the time. And let me tell you, there has been a vast amount of ejecting lately – so how am I supposed to distinguish between super sonic pregnancy vaginal yuck and this Labour-Has-Begun-Show yuck? It’s all yuck to me.

2:   If I use SuperValu’s own brand Blu Blocks in my cisterns (which I do, because I’m a clean freak and I don’t want to see what the toilet is really supposed to look like on any given day), then is it possible to LOSE the show underneath the sea of blue cover-upness, therefore assuming that it has never appeared?

3:   Why do I assume that my ‘Show’ will only make an appearance when I go to the loo? Is this the most common place to locate the arrival of one’s show, or is it possible for it to make an entrance (or exit) with sparkling tiara and jazz hands at, say, the checkout of your local supermarket?

If anyone is brave enough to share their ‘Show’ stories, I’d love to hear them. Me, I’ve always been more partial to the Broadway kind of shows, but I’m willing to wager that I’ll be even more excited about this preggo one than I was about seeing Matilda (which you should totally go see btw; it’s amaaaaaazing)

Peace Out.

Love Sharyn ‘One Week Overdue WTF?!’ Hayden

[Have a click on ‘Preggo Watch: The Labour Farce’. It’s a pretty good read ;o) )







Preggo Watch: The Labour Farce

So I’ve been in labour for a month now. Not medically speaking, obviously, but mentally, emotionally and sometimes – psychologically induced, of course – vaginally.

The worst thing about being unsure about your conception dates is that is makes you suspicious of your due date too, and so every single twinge that I’ve had for the past five weeks have been huge dramatic events, resulting in declarations of ‘We’re going early!’ ‘Are the bags in the car?’ ‘Seriously, why the fuck are the bags not in the car? We’re having this baby NOW!!!’.

(It should be noted that a pain in the lower back/butt area can often mean that one just needs to poo).

I have cancelled nights out, lunches, trips to the half-an-hour away shopping centre alone, for fear of getting caught with my pants down (like that’ll ever happen again), my waters breaking at the Benefit counter in Boots, or being unable to drive home and forced to have my baby in the carpark at Lidl.

Now that I am FIVE DAYS OVERDUE (morto), I am raging that I’ve spent so much time in a house-and-immediate-area-bound panic over nothing. My ‘labour mani/pedi’ that I insisted on having done weeks ago are completely chipped, the valeted car is manky, the Immac job that I did on my nethers is a distant memory and even if I wanted to…. I can’t fucking reach it now to give it another go anyway. The cookies that I baked? Eaten. That last house clean before Granny & Grandad come to mind Jacob when we go to the hospital? Needs to be re-done. The work that I finalized and parked ‘for a few weeks’? I’ve picked up again BECAUSE I’M SO FUCKING BORED!! Dearest Baby – Where Art Thou?!

On the up-side, I am making the most of having some quality time with Jacob which, deliciously, also includes joining him for his midday naps. I lovvvvve napping. Oh, and eating three ice pops every day. And sleeping in my nudies. And wondering if we’re having a boy or a girl. And looking forward to seeing who it is that we’ve created this time.

(FYI I’m holding out for a ginger girl….)

The GREAT thing about having a ‘Due Date Deadline’ is that is makes you get shit done. It hasn’t been a bad 41 weeks, all things considered….


[Pssst: Don’t Miss ‘Preggo Watch: Flight of the Bubble Gee’!!