When your kids begin to grow up, you know, when they have a bit of awareness of the world around them – I dunno, three, four or so – you start to wonder when might be time to move things along in the privacy stakes. Like, is it still ok to chuck your clothes off if they’re in your room before you get into the shower? And when should you stop getting into the bath with them exactly before it starts getting weird? Should you stop smooching the faces off them for hours until their cheeks are raw, in case it’s too, I dunno, suffocating?  Essentially, what I’ve been wondering is; will my nudieness and smoochiness at some point become…gulp…inappropriate?!

Not at all! I have it sussed, you see. From now on, the answer to any of my worrisome questions about parental closeness with my kids will be: NORMA BATES. Every single creepy move she makes, subtle and all as they are, is precisely what you should plan to avoid with your kids. Bates Motel is directed so well that Vera Farmiga, who plays Norma, doesn’t need to be an obvious dysfunctional human being and hyper-manipulative mother to give us the proverbial willies. She can just stand a little bit too close for comfort to her son Norman (played by the brilliant Freddie Highmore), or kiss him on the lips for a nano-second too long to get the message across, and make you seriously feel those heebie jeebies. It. Is. Perfect.

If you haven’t watched ‘Bates Motel’ yet, there is no better time than this week  – coming up to Hallowe’en! Do it, you definitely won’t regret it.