Tag Archives: Raising Ireland

RTE wants your bum (on their seats)

Hope everyone is well and struggling as much as I am with the ‘Do I detox my body of fat, or the house of leftover yummy food and booze? Body or house? Body or house?’ Fucking January…

At present, I am sort of dealing with it on a day-on, day-off basis – throwing the last of the Baileys down my throat one day (I confess to coercing Ass Monkey into being my co-conspirator by ACTUALLY saying ‘Look, it’s open now anyway – surely we can’t leave it on it’s own. What if it went off and we were responsible? I won’t have it on my conscience, Alan, I won’t’), and then feeling guilty and forcing everyone to eat pureed soup for 24 hours the next. Imbalanced much, MOI?!

In any case, Happy New Year. I hope, more than that your hoop fits or doesn’t fit into your favourite jeans, that your family and kids and YOURSELVES have a healthy and happy year. And I bleedin’ love yiz, right’??

Now. RTE are soon filming a new music and comedy show, hosted by the fabulous Dermot Whelan (Republic of Telly, Today FM). They are inviting the readers of RaisingIreland.com to come along as audience members for a fun evening out and most importantly THERE WILL BE FREE WINE! It films in RTE from 6.30 on the following dates: January 18th and 19th and February 1st/2nd/8th/9th and all you have to do is email them directly if you’d like to go along. All info below! x

‘Hey Ho Let’s go!’ is a brand new comedy music panel show on RTÉ Two television in Ireland. Presented by comedy impresario and air guitar fanatic Dermot Whelan, with two teams led by John Colleary, funny man and forgotten rockstar and Colin Murphy frustrated frontman and comic genius (their words not ours), this show is packed full of gags about gigs. How well do you know your musical trivia? Probably more than them!

Each week, they are joined by luminaries from the world of comedy and music – the perfect marriage of soundtrack and silliness as they go head to head to win the quiz – Hey Ho let’s go!

Would you like to be part of the Studio Audience?

Then please email us at studioaudience@moondog.co.uk for further information.

 

Guest Blogging at HerFamily.ie

It’s nice to get a little compliment now and then. I can vouch, as the primary caretaker of our two kiddos at home, that the full-time working Ass Monkey has never said ‘Hey, thanks so much for locating those socks we’ve been missing’ or ‘Wow, did you change the bins in the jacks? You’re amazing’.

We all do things so automatically and so regularly that it is simply what it is – just that thing we do that no one really notices. So when I had an email from Sive O’Brien at new super cool parenting website HerFamily.ie to say she’d been reading my l’il blog here and liked it…well, needless to say I cracked open that box of After Eights I’d been saving for a special occasion. When you write a blog, you’re never entirely sure that anyone is actually reading it (so yes, I actually just do it because I LIKE it. Unlike how I feel about cleaning the jacks).

HerFamily.ie launched this morning and I will be their guest blogger for the week. My first piece (i.e. gripe) is to remind you all that no, Ass Monkey still has not yet asked me to marry him, the consequences now being that I will some day probably have to walk up the aisle in similar fashion to this lady:

Uh-huh

Uh-huh

You can check out the full blog at: HerFamily.ie

Happy New Year, monkey faces x

A Letter To My Daughter Eva

10407523_10152510305736120_4705492640714526326_nWe had a Baby Naming Ceremony for Eva on Saturday, at The Unitarian Church at St. Stephen’s Green in Dublin. It’s a beautiful service, that concentrates solely on welcoming the child to the world, and leaves out all the religious stuff. ‘Coz Ass Monkey and I don’t dig the idea that babies are born with sin. Like, me hole.

I decided I would say a few words at the service, as Alan had done it for Jacob, and took to the good ol’ internet looking for inspiring poems or phrases that I could include. As is often the way, I got super sound advice from my mates on Facebook, who suggested that I pen my own letter to the gorgeous baby girl, as it would be a fab keepsake for her in years to come.

And so I did. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, because you love them so much, and as a bonus, it can capture a snapshot of what is going on in the world at the time, how you feel about them, a little of the birth story, and even slag off your partner for TAKING HIS EFFING TIME when you went into labour ;o)

Here it is, enjoy, and thanks for the encouragement to do it!!

Sharyn x
Dear Eva,

On the night that I woke your dad at 1am to say that I felt you were on the way, you were already 9 days overdue. This is entirely my fault, as my mother informs me that I was born not one, not two, but THREE weeks overdue and have been late for every single moment of my life ever since! So that one, you have inherited from me.

After your dad finished his two sausage sandwiches (cough), we drove into the hospital and I remember turning onto the quays in Dublin City and remarking on how still the river was, and how pretty everything looked all lit up at night. At that same moment, you gave me a little kick & I knew that you were ok and we were going to get you into the world safe and sound.

Your dad and I were so overjoyed that we had a daughter that we cried and cried with happiness for hours. In fact, I carried on crying for a few weeks, any time I opened anything pretty and pink…. (hormones and happiness).

From the moment I met you, I said to everyone who would listen, ‘Look how strong she looks’. You were tough from Day 1; you had this sideward glance you gave us that said ‘Ok, whoever was in charge just got fired. I’m here now’. That one, you have inherited from your dad.

I have never seen your dad so in love as he is with you. He held you on the rocking chair for hours, every single evening for the first 12 weeks of your life when your little tummy pains kept you from sleep. I often attempt conversations with him now and watch his gaze drift off towards you, where he catches eyes with you and his whole face lights up. I would wager that Irish Water could call to the door, and so long as he’s happily distracted by you, he’d let them install TWO meters.

And your brother Jacob – well, he did ask for a long time where ‘Baby Brother’ was, but he has gotten very used to being the ‘best big brother in the world’ to his beautiful little sister. He is very kind and gentle with you, delighting in seeing if you’re awake every morning so that he can say ‘Hi, Poo Head!’ After we brought you home, he would introduce you to visitors by only giving them your full name. But as he couldn’t pronounce ‘Elizabeth’, he used to call you ‘Eva A Little Bit’. And we think that really suits.

So to Eva A Little Bit – welcome to our family and our hearts. M’iníon, mo ghrí, mo chroí.

Love from mum xxx 

PS: We spelled it EVA but pronounced it AVA, on purpose. You’re welcome ;o)

[Did you read ‘Mammy, Do You Have A Willy?!’ yet]

 

My Whore Voice

I don’t know about you, but when I became a mum, I started to freak out about money. I literally ping-ponged from ‘Happy to do a comedy gig for €50 and a packet of fizzy cola bottles’, to ‘I must come up with the BEST INVENTION EVER so that my kids think I’m amazingly cool AND I have enough money to buy their future shit boyfriends or girlfriends out of our lives forever.

So, in no particular order, in the last three years, I have sought employment in the following areas:

  1. Beauty Therapist. Yes, I went to ACTUAL CLASSES to learn how to spray a perfectly decent body to a Kim Kardashian orange and the likes. Thankfully, I was pretty shit at all of that.
  2.  Web Genius. I’ve had a comedy website, a personal website, and now a parenting website. I nearly did a course in web design. I 100% thought that I would get instant advertising and make a mint in the first 12 months. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?
  3. A Stand Up Comedian. The biggest mistake I made after I had Jacob was trying to do stand up as ‘Sharyn Hayden’ instead of the wonderful Shazwanda, which had always worked far better. The thinking behind it was that if I could break my vagina by having a kid, then I could do fucking anything…. …. ….. ….. I WAS WRONG.
  4. A Theatre Actress. Acting on stage is a joy, an absolute joy, but when you have a toddler who counts on your to put them to bed and you have to leave for work at 5pm for Show Week, you will pay for that one week of joy for the following FOUR weeks, as your kid punishes you for abandoning them by refusing to go to creche, staying up all night, and catching the stomach flu. Also, theatre pays fuck all. Go get a day’s extra work on Vikings and you’d be better off.
  5. International Best Selling Author. ‘Sure, it couldn’t be hard, could it?’ Those were actual words that came from my mouth as I sat down to pen my first novel. Being a writer is a bit of a curse when you have kids, because you rarely get a chance to write, and then you feel terribly frustrated that you can’t get your ideas out and onto the page and then you take it out on your fella coz he has a real job… maybe I’ve said too much ;o)

So now! My latest carry on is voiceover work! The gorgeous Deborah at Windmill Lane recording studios arranged for me to record my voiceover demo and I had a BALL doing it. You’d buy a buggy off me in Mothercare…wouldn’t you?!!

Click below to hear it, and check out my whore voice in the first ad! x

Children’s Personalised Irish Christmas Book

BookWithShadowWe were sent the most amazing gift from Ian and the team at DigitalScribe.ie recently – a book called ‘Jacob and Santa’s Irish Adventure’!

The book tells the story of how Santa gets lost on Christmas Eve while delivering presents to Irish children. Your little one is then taken on a fun adventure around famous and historical Irish landmarks to find him.

Mums and dads just need to fill in a very simple form in order to make this book a personalised one, and it truly is great quality and beautifully presented when it arrives. There is even a letter from Santa included!

The books are €15.99 plus P&P to order through The Digital Scribe Website and I can’t recommend it enough. What a great keepsake to have for our kids in years to come!

We captured the first few moments of showing Jacob ‘the book that Santa sent him in the post’. Can you FEEL the giddiness….?! x

Review: ‘Becoming Mum’ by Kate Carbery

Becoming-Mum-webI have had ‘Becoming Mum’ in my handbag for ages, hoping to get around to it one of these days ‘before the baby comes/when we get settled with the baby/when I get this freezer stocked/when Hallowe’en is over/when it’s still 2104’.

I finally opened it and read the first page just a week ago, and devoured it because it’s so good. I’m only sorry I didn’t get around to it sooner!

What Kate Carberry has done is brilliant – she has interviewed loads of women (and some men!) about their experiences of becoming parents. It is divided into those really important categories that everyone talks about or has questions about if they are, or are about to, become parents:

1. The Birth

2. Your body post-birth

3. Mum & Baby’s First Days

4. Feeding

5. Visitors

6. Inside your head – post birth

7. Public Health Visitor

8. Your relationship

9. Routines

10. Tiredness

Each chapter has several genuine first-hand accounts from these interviewed parents about their experiences and they are capped off with a few pointers of advice at the end of each section. As a no-bullshit individual, I can hand-on-heart say that the pointers are really not pushy one way or the other, are practical and sound.

‘Becoming Mum’ is really fantastic and is a must-buy for any lady who is expecting a baby. You can buy it online via the Liberties Press Website xxx

The Raising Ireland Interviews Are Back!

I love an oul chat, which is why I developed ‘Chitter Chatter’, the video interviews with Amazing Parents for Raising Ireland. There has (naturally) been a bit of a hiatus while I was having that adorable little baby Eva and all, but I’m slowly getting around to getting them edited and uploaded (you can see I was heavily preggo when we did these last few recordings!)

First up is Siobhán Boyce, who tells us all about losing her mum almost seven years ago, and how she guarded her daughter’s feelings at the time. Siobhan is also a nurse, who has put herself through college and calls Clodagh (now 11) her driving force..

 

Street Harassment in Dublin

I totally get that video of the woman walking through NYC, being verbally mauled by a pack of weirdos who have nothing better to do with their time. That guy who just walked beside her for ages? Creepy. As. Fuck. The whole time, I was willing her to break the silent bit and just let her arm extend swiftly & sharply to the left and knock the fucker out.

Not that it’s as bad here as in the States but you know, some days you’re just not in the humour for unwanted attention. I recently phoned Apple Support for a problem I was having with my iPhoto application on my laptop. I got through to India and the first thing the guy does is deliberately open up Photo Booth so that he can see what I look like.

‘Oh berry bootifool’ says he, in that ‘whispery’ voice that creeps use. Is that supposed to be sexy? (vomits)

I had just had Eva a couple of months, I hadn’t yet washed that morning, I was harassed because I had to pick Jacob up and just wanted my laptop fixed and this cheeky fucker was the last thing I needed. I wasn’t in the mood and I cut him off.

Then there are other days…. when you’ve just had your baby a couple of months, you haven’t washed yet that morning, you are harassed because you have to pick your toddler up and you just want your laptop fixed….ahem… and you’d nearly love someone to say ‘Hey beautiful! You’re doing great. Your ass looks great. Just brush your teeth before you pick the kid up and you’ll be fine’. Of course, if that someone was Hugh Jackman, then all the better.

Anyway, we have to take the serious things very seriously, and we have to take the not so serious things not too seriously. If some happy fucker in, say, a fire truck wants to flash his lights at me and honk as I am walking down the street, I am giving that happy fucker a wink back AT LEAST. Maybe even a little wave. (Sidenote: if some criminal-looking dude starts walking beside me for an indefinite period, I am locating the nearest hurling stick).

Creative Nation and I made a parody of the original video this week in Dublin. It’s just me, and my military coat, and my Ian Browne-like walk (why didn’t anyone ever tell me I walk like a man WTF?!) and all the fabulous street vendors in Dublin City.

We shot it over a few hours and I didn’t get hit on ONCE. Scarleh.

Enjoy x 10 Hours Of Walking In Dublin As A Woman

Nuts For Hallowe’en

We went on holidays a few weeks ago. Am I still banging on about that, about it being the first holiday we had in three years, how we blew WAY too much money on it but we were desperate? Yes I am! (review for Kelly’s Hotel, Wexford, to follow!)

Anyway, on our last day, we met a lovely couple and their son who was just a little bit younger than Jacob by a few months. The boys got on great so naturally we got chatting to the parents while supervising them on the super-cool Viking ship playground in the back garden.

The mum told us a VERY harrowing story about recently discovering that their son is allergic to nuts – and they found out the hard way. He ate a tiny bit of granola that had traces – TRACES – of nuts in it, and immediately suffered a major allergic reaction.

The ambulance couldn’t get to Crumlin Childrens Hospital quickly enough from Clonskeagh on the busy motorway as this little man swelled up, broke out in massive hives all over his body and his windpipe closed in. They diverted to St. Vincent’s hospital to get some steroids to tide him over until they got to Crumlin, and the entire time, his mum kept thinking ‘My baby’s going to die. My baby’s going to die’.

Naturally enough, I was BAWLING listening to her story, and couldn’t NOT give her a big hug for going through it. We also discussed my pal whose daughter is allergic to eggs and that poor girl from Drimnagh who died on O’Connell street last year after being denied an EpiPen by the chemist. I still can’t fucking believe that happened, by the way.

This mum and her husband at least had a happy outcome – their son was alive and well and having a great time on holidays with his parents and new pal (for a day!), Jacob.

As today is Hallowe’en, I am reminded of this family as my son is about to call to neighborhood houses in his dinosaur costume and other kids will call to our house, all looking for Hallowe’en loot and goodies in their precious bags. And we have NO IDEA sometimes who these kids are, or if they could be allergic to anything.

So I’ll do a deal with you – you don’t give my kid monkey nuts today and I won’t give any to yours. Just in case. Cool?

Jacob the Dinosaur

 

 

FunKidDayz Blog

Growing up on a farm I was always used to having close contact with animals. I’ve had the usual pets of dogs and cats, but also the unusual ones of lambs, calves, hedgehogs, frogs and even a donkey! Animals were an important part of my childhood.

Now living in Dublin and recently becoming a mam I realise that my son is not going to have the same experiences as I did. And much to my disappointment we’ll probably never own a donkey! But I’d still like the little man to know about animals and have some contact with them.

 

For that reason I’ve created this week’s top-5 list of activities for all animal-loving families.

1. Dublin Zoo: http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/1935/; fair enough we never had an elephant calf. You’ve got to go check out the Zoo’s latest arrival
2. Natural History Museum (Dead Zoo): http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2009/: sadly growing up on a farm we probably could have made a few donations
3. Pet Farms:
North Dublin – Newbridge House & Farm http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2224/
South Dublin – Airfield Farm & Gardens http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2035/
but without the sterilizing hand gel

4. Animal Shelters:
North Dublin – Dogs Trust http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2051/
South Dublin – DSPCA http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2050/ (some of the family did come from here!)

5. Horse Riding:
North Dublin – Horse & Pony Riding @ Child Vision http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2113/
South Dublin – Carrickmines Equestrian Centre http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2151/
West Dublin – Ashtown Stables Horse Riding http://www.funkiddayz.com/web/location/2125/ (do donkeys count?!)

***To find fun activities for your child in your area and download the FunKidDayz app please visit The Fun Kid Dayz Website.

Make sure to like them on Facebook to hear about their event of the week.