Due to my baba being breached right up to 38 weeks, he was delivered by a planned cesarean section. I suppose what I want to write about, is the mental and physical aspects on a mothers mind and body from having a baby by cesarean.
The whole thing was very clinical, you go into an operating room, and to be fair, you are very distracted to the whole thing because all the practitioners and nurses keep you so. Which is great let me tell you!! But, at the same time, the baby is out, before you even realise or are able to process what is kind if going on. And literally, what seemed like a few minutes since lying on the table in the first place, and there he was. My first born.
Should raising a child without a religion be cause for concern?
For me the answer is a simple no. But for many it seems we cannot let go of our church-going roots in 2013 Ireland. When there are now so many diverse nationalities, why do we feel so obliged to keep to a belief system that has wronged so many children of this country’s past? Choosing to raise your child without religion can cause a stir a from a person who has not been inside a church in years, to cast a stone of deep concern. It’s baffling to me.
I am not against anyone’s beliefs, but I am against the catholic church in Ireland having any influence on our children’s education system. They, in my opinion, do not contribute to a child’s ever growing mind. There are children in this country who, because they have not been christened, will find it hard to get into a school. A fact.
My husband and I have chosen not to christen our son, Leon, because even though I was born a catholic, that is where it stops for me. So what does that mean for the way my son will live his life? Well, it won’t mean anything at all! He will not lose out. He will not be excluded from anything, he will not be judged, he will not go to hell.
This is why I am fully behind Ireland’s ‘Educate Together’ schools. These schools are a non-judgemental breath of fresh air in 2013 Ireland and I am so excited to be aiming to send my son there when he is of age. I would never judge any of his future friends, or friend’s parents for having a religion. So all I want in return is for nobody to judge him, because he does not have one at all.
As parents, does our child’s gender give us the right to dictate who they should be?
No, of course it doesn’t. So why do so many parents feel it is their child bearing right to dictate who their child should be because they are a boy or a girl? I have witnessed little boys pushing prams down a toy isle in a store, to see fathers snatch it away from them, as though it was sealing some sort of homosexual fate for their son’s future. Mothers, directing their daughters out of the toy isle with the toy cars, whilst quipping “these are for boys”.
Our son Leon has a colourful array of clothing, and he even has a purple buggy and pram…. will this make him gay? No. And if he does turn out to be so, then what? Well, then nothing. Because once he is happy, healthy, respects others and has a kind heart then what more could any selfless parent want?
I have known people in my lifetime, gay friends, who because of how their family would react, have said to me, “I am gay, but I will marry a girl”.
That then, is an endless circle of ruined lives. The heart of this is surely insecurity within the parent? Which, in turn will create insecurity in your child.
Just because you have a son, this does not mean he has to play with toy cars, if he does not want to. And, maybe more importantly, if he wants to play with his sisters doll, let him. This won’t make your son gay, no more than a little girl who wants to play with toy trucks will make her any less of a girl.
Why then is it that so many parents have gender specific regulations for their children? Our children are surely going to grow up to become who they are meant to be regardless of whether they choose a boy, or a girls toy, or what colour clothes they wear. As a parent in today’s world, more than ever, I believe we do not have the right to push, or force our children to be who we want them to be. All that will do is cause friction in the parent and child relationship, and boost many an insecurity in your child’s self-esteem for many years into the future. As a mother, it is my duty (teamed with my unconditional love), to encourage and nurture my son’s personality, and to input values of kindness and respect. I am to discourage him from mistreating others, or disrespecting his parents and peers, and as he grows, deter him from any dark paths he meets along his journey.
We must encourage our children by making them feel safe, and keeping them healthy – mentally and physically. We can do all of this without dictating their lives to them, and there is such an huge difference between ‘encouragement’ and dictation.